"Were You There When"

Time fly's doesn't it?  As a young man, I swore that I'd never be the victim of the time warp that instantly takes a person from 16 to 36.  I can clearly remember adults telling us kids that one day; we'd wake up and wonder where all the time went.  At 36, I find myself struggling to remember all of my outdoor adventures, fellowship among friends and the "if I's" and "what if's" over the past 21 years.  Looking back, I sure wish that I'd written a little more and had enough sense to take a few more photographs.  While only a select few will remember the scattered memories below, I hope my memories will rekindle stories among my fellow outdoorsmen.

Were you there when, "Georgia" floated his hat walking into 151, when I cooked a better seafood gumbo than the Coon Ass's in Buras and the excessive libations at Pluck-A-duck?  Were you there when, we ate MRE's for the entire trip to Pointe Aux Chen and back, Mr. Roboto was the theme song headed to NoDak or the time when Mark blew up the septic system in Crenshaw?  What about the time I tried to take home the bar owner in Watertown, South Dakota or to meet Jody, a fence post and Richard Henry?  Were you there when, Shane didn't like spicy food, Shark showed up in a purple truck and when the lights came on at the LLDC and Clarence Carter was playing?  Were you there when, Jamey Johnson led us down Punkincenter Road, for Justin's "Pane of Glass!" speech, for the first great rib off contest and when G laughed so hard she almost peed her pants? Were you there when, we named Prancer and Dancer, for the time "thun-duck storms" than ran us off the gulfstream or when Whoreleo was accused of being the hired help and wore an animal print Speedo?  Were you there when, Billy set the blind on fire, we took our first trip to "The Valet", when Uncle Drunkie kissed dad at supper and "Fuck" was someone's name? 

Were you there when, she looked like Sandra Bulloch or the trip we did cannon balls off the top of the tuna tower? What about the time Emerson Waters built a high speed trolling lure named the "Sheppopotamus" or when we drank moonshine behind the fish camp and met the people who drove a Ryder truck all the way from Venezuela? Were you there when, I quit my job and relocated to duck camp, the mouse traps woke everyone up, the night Andy couldn't get out of his sleeping bag fast enough or for the plane crash no one believed in?  Were you there when,  we raced around the living room on Grandma's rascal, the time the depth finder was psychedelic and the season that Keystone Light cans were the best teasers in the Atlantic Ocean?  Were you there when, we laughed about "the shocker, the spocker and the show stopper?"  Were you there when, it took all 6 of us to reel in the tuna when we fished out of Venice, when the Cajun's tried to keep us out by burning the blind down or the time we met "One Armed James" in Seadrift?

Were you there when, Millhouse gave prayers in the pit, the night we shaved a lightning bolt into Stupid Dave's hair or to meet Carl The Can Man, Larry The Mortuary and Harriet Tubman?  What about the first annual turnip shooting contest?  Were you there when, the "Hat's Off" burned and almost sank in the Savannah River, the night that AG tried to walk home and ended up in the rental van with steamed up windows or when we found bars called, "The Angry Beaver, The Lone Arranger and The Whipping Post" and the trip that Lone Star beer gave us all headaches and corn nuts seemed to be the only remedy?  Were you there when, we found "wedding cakes" at the grocery store in Tunica or the time that stranger said, "excuse me, are those Under Armor pants your wearing?"  Were you there when, a pirate got punched in the nuts and everyone in the room tried to climb the walls or for the first Carnegie hunt? What about the time we decided beer was more important than doves or when I face planted after killing my first turkey?  Were you there when, a dove hunt left "that girl" sitting on your front porch, when I yelled, "I'll take 5 shrimp-n-grits dinners to go......never mind!" or the night Randy drove 5 hours home because a naked man was laying on his bed? 

Were you there when, we roped the buck I shot to the top of a Ford Escort rental car or the morning I skinned a deer on Kate's front porch and left it's balls on her pillow as a care package?  Were you there when, the reactor had a meltdown, the night I arrowed a shark on Lake Seminole or when we raised all that money for the kids?  Were you there when, I got called to the cockpit and asked if I was a sky marshal, drooled myself all the way to Maryland and for the turkey's that never seemed to work?  Were you there when, we named "The Gonga Money Carrier," randomly met our quail hunters at The Wooden Nickel or for my 500 alarm chili? What about the time the GPS got thrown out the truck window somewhere in MS?  Were you there when, it took me 11 beers to get off of the mountain, we got caught in 4ft rollers on the Tennessee River or for the bull chute, bed breaking escapade?  Do you remember the time there were Canvasbacks, Golden Eyes and Blue Bills everywhere?  Were you there when, Pat use to hit men on the hat button for not sitting still, for the purchase of a pink duck mini magnet, an intergalactic nebulator or when the cat buffet in Jonesboro that gave us all a stomach ache?

Were you there when, Maurice was too weak to drag a deer and I carried it off of the power line on my back? How about the time I accidentally threw Larry Wlodar's keys into Lake Lanier, the day "Moss Bossin" was born and when Ransom Meyers had to pull out Andy's truck that was stuck and strapped to the Ranger that was stuck at Skinny Tree or for Jap Maple Kenco Camellias?  Were you there when, Milhouse gave me a pair of size 13 pink crocks because no one thought I'd really wear them or for the invention of "Swamp Cleats?" How about the time when nobody in camp recognized me because I was wearing a suite, or when we almost flipped my boat over in Louisiana?  Were you there when, we called you "The Haystack Shooter," for the 50mph coyote shot on an unspecified dirt road or when we spent the night jail because of a 50lb doe? How about the time when Wal-Mart didn't believe my fishing rod broke because of a huge fish in the duck pond?  Were you there when, we shot into that huge group of mallards in the woods?  How about the time we ate Thanksgiving dinner at Waffle House or when Dave told us the, "Get On This" story? Were you there when, we released an 8ft alligator in the parking lot, to see a bloody beaver in Fish Pond Drain or when we got "hid like a mother fucker?"

Were you there when, Clay told the story about liking "it" a little musty, when I shot the Canada goose out of the air with a 22LR or when we must have shot 150 turtles at the duck pond?  Were you there when, we coon hunted until midnight and then went to the bar covered in mud, for the trip to NoDak when we stayed with a felon or the girl in MSP that dipped more than me?  Were you there when, a stranger wanted to trade a "buffalo" for some of our ducks in Crenshaw, the night the clerk at the Super 8 in Watertown showed more skin than we asked for or when I met the "GILF?"  Were you there when, we found Charles kissing that fat bar tender in Doland, the sight of thousands of teal getting up off of Earl Slick's place on Currituck Sound or the trip when the locals taught us to mouth call swans? What about the time you called me a pack mule at Bodie Island?  Were you there when, we saw that brand new 60ft Viking hit the bridge at Oregon Inlet, when we had to follow the big boats through 5 footers in the pass, for the trip we visited the old time decoy makers on Chincoteague Island or saw the wild horses that roam OBX?  Were you there when, we met an old sword boat captain while hunting Boston Harbor, enjoyed lobster rolls in Salem or got screwed by a friend in NoDak?

Were you there when, we bought breakfast for all those soldiers in the Atlanta airport or the time we were passing through Memphis and a trucker bought 3 Whoppers and a gallon of milk for a midnight supper or those mottled ducks and whistlers we shot in the marsh?  Were you there when, we found more bars than churches in Max, accidentally wondered into Canada chasing ducks or unwittingly shot those birds just across the South Dakota state line?  Were you there when, Jeff Coats wasn't smiling, the time our guide cooked duck burritos in the blind with a rusty knife and washed it off in the pit water or the time we hunted with a standard poodle?  Were you there when, we learned about shit ditches, flume ditches and bull levee's?  How about the times we shot Knob Creek before the first hunt and at the end of the last hunt or when Lon called a few scrub bushes a tree line and someone actually understood what was drawn on the white board?

Time and nature are beginning to keep me from remembering when I was where when, but................Were You There When?